More Engineering jokes  

HR & Engineer

Reaching the end of a job interview, the recruiter asked the young engineer fresh out of school, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The recruiter said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the recruiter said, "Certainly, but you started it."

"High Tech" Skills

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Engineer...

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens - he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention - so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says:
"Wait a minute, I see your problem......"

Theory and practice

Theory is when you think you know something but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works but you don't know why.
Usually we combine theory and practice: nothing works and we don't know why.

You know you're from Silicon Valley when...

Your household income is $150,000 and you can't afford shoes for the kids.

You think that American food includes sushi, naan, pho, pesto and pad thai.

You met your neighbors once.

When asked about your commute you answer in time, not distance.

Even though you work 80 hours per week on a computer, for relaxation you read your email and peruse eBay.

The T-shirts you value most were for products that never made it to market.

You can name ten different programming languages and you are not a programmer.

You remember the names of the three closest cheap sushi joints, the location of all the Fry's in the area and which companies your friends work for that are going public in the next year, but don't know the name of the mayor.

You work 6 miles from your home and spend two hours a day commuting and $40 a week on gas.

Winter is when your lawn grows too fast and summer is when it dies.

You live on some of the richest farm land in the world but most of what you eat comes from South America on a boat.

Your best friend lives across town but you hardly ever see each other because after your commute you're too pooped to spend another hour driving to their home.

You cringe when you see people in suits at your office, wondering if someone in management will make you stop wearing bunny slippers.

You could walk to the market in 45 minutes, but taking public transit adds another three hours and you still have to walk 45 minutes.

You could sell your home and live like a king in 99% of the rest of the world, but don't because it would be difficult to move back.

Engineering & management

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
" I am," replied the woman, How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am, "replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault".